Strangled screams of defiance, the acrid stench of burning flesh… blood…fear…human excrement…death. The earth quavers as mortars crash down, the ra-ta-ta-tata of bullets ricocheting, a bomb explodes in the distance, severed limbs litters the bloody earth, gasping prayers, dead men with blank eyes staring fixedly in the sky…
Being in a relationship, be it marriage or just courtship is almost identical to the above, it is most times akin to walking through a battlefield rigged with landmines that have the capacity to blow you to smithereens and end your fragile existence in a heartbeat.
You are never quite sure of what you will find lying around the next corner…it may be a platoon of enemy soldiers or a sorry-looking bunch of friendly survivors straggling across the carnage that war always brings.
We are all bound by the struggle, yes, that struggle to keep our relationship with that man or woman from falling apart, that struggle that is fueled by the fear of ending up alone. We all get reminded of this fear at different times in the course of our relationships, some more than others and I am positive quite a number of you will agree with me that the struggle has become more exhausting. No one is themselves anymore, most people are pretending to be what they think their partner wants them to be, love has gradually become an illusion, it has now become difficult to tell what is real from what is not. Everyone seems to be prettier, richer, happier or in a better relationship than you are, they all seem to be having the time of their lives. Well this is most times far from the truth, as we all know “most times life isn’t always what it seems”, sometimes people will not be completely honest about how they feel about you because men cheat and women lie and lets not forget the few that do not want to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth.
But before you launch a tirade at that woman or man that you are in an unfulfilling relationship with or have broken your heart, remember that sometimes they hurt just like you do. They see the lies, anger and deception in their own faces as well as yours but then again sometimes they don’t and this is just as well, perhaps what they don’t see makes us all alike than we will ever know. Somewhere between the lies… deceit…calls to your friends complaining about your partner… incessant quarrels… somewhere between the late night phone calls… the I miss yous’… the I love yous’…lets be together tonight… and somewhere between all the changes and growth that comes with relationships… somewhere between the lovemaking… the missed calls… somewhere between being in love… pretending to be in love… and the downright “I don’t love you anymore”… we sometimes forget…we forget what being in a relationship and loving someone is all about. We forget what it means to be faithful. We forget that pretending to be happy doesn’t make you happy. We forget that you should not settle for someone you do not love because of the pressure of society or the fear of ending up without a life partner. We forget that you cannot control falling in love and you cannot make yourself fall in love or force someone to fall in love with you.
I am here to remind you, remember this: it is okay to mess up. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to forgive and do your damn best to forget how much a loved one has hurt you. It’s okay to feel like crap once in a while. Its okay to cry when you get hurt, let the snot run. It is okay to complain and whine to someone you trust when you feel like letting off steam. It is okay to be truthful to your partner, yes truth may hurt but in the long run you will be better for it.
I wrote this piece from a place of peace, I urge you to spread the love, be you, be free, make love not war.
And there you have it, my two cents. Please keep the change.