‘P’ is for Christmas

Written by
Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

The animal I call ‘relationships’ keeps evolving; it first started out as a simple beast that understood that the happier way was one man to one woman, and then metamorphosed into a complicated creature that didn’t care, a creature that figuratively organized orgies and spilled its seed willy-nilly. Faithfulness has now become an archaic term in a world where cheating is the norm; it is accepted, it is expected.

I have overheard hundreds of women say, “men will always cheat, all that matters is that you are his number one”; a flawed thinking at its best. In the western world cheating is reacted to differently, women are more vocal about their objections to philandering men and the most popular divorce battles have ended with the aggrieved woman walking away with a fat purse.

Sadly in most parts of Nigeria the tune is different, it is a heart-wrenching song that sings the melody of women who have no choice but to silently endure being in a relationship with a cheating partner. The typical Nigerian man is unarguably the lord and master of his household; he does not condone disobedience from his wife or children. In homes like these, even when the man cheats and is caught, the woman cannot take proper action for fear of being thrown out of the house and separated from her children. It will surprise you to know that there has been cases where the aggrieved wife moves out of her matrimonial home only for her to be brought back by her family members a few days later to beg her cheating husband to accept her back into their home. Appalling but true.

As the years have gone by, the cheating phenomenon has gotten worse, men not only serially cheat, they also sometimes flaunt their paramours in the faces of their women. This brings me to the word “P”, yes, P is an alphabet but in this context it is much more than the sixteenth letter in the alphabet, it is a type of yuletide relationship.

Let me explain.

I first became aware of the phrase “setting Christmas P” via twitter, as usual, my curiosity was piqued and I decided to find out more about this new slang. It turned out that ‘setting Christmas P’ is the favorite past time of quite a lot of Nigerian men. This discovery amused and worried me to no great end, apparently “setting Christmas P” is a term guys use to describe the flings they have with out-of-town women during the yuletide season. It usually doesn’t matter that some of these men are in committed relationships; they easily give in to the temptation that the influx of out of town visitors brings. In a nutshell, “setting P” is a festive past-time that Nigerian men look forward to every year. So while the men are excitedly strategizing on how to get in-between as many legs as possible, their women just helplessly watch and hope that once the festive season ends they can once again be the number one women. Another group of women on the other hand are blissfully unaware of this male tradition, all they notice is that as the year draws to an end they stop getting as much attention as they normally would from their partners.

Armed with my newly found knowledge, I came to the conclusion that the slang “setting Christmas P” was the enemy. I had by now fully digested the seriousness of the complications that setting Christmas P could bring to relationships. I instantly began to ponder on a solution to this problem, and after much mulling I came up with several tips on how relationships can be strengthened during the yuletide season.

Allow me to share a few.

*Tip 1: Do more fun things together

Nothing stokes the embers of a declining relationship more than spontaneity. Do something exciting for your partner, surprise him with a spa treatment or better still plan a romantic evening with candles and good music and give him a personal spa delight in the privacy of your home; the pleasing effects of a sensual massage with scented oils cannot be over-estimated.

*Tip 2: Enhance your looks

When was the last time you did an exciting new hair-do? Have you been stuck in a rut looks wise? If your answer to the above questions is yes then be sure to implement this tip. The Christmas season is the perfect time to re-vamp your looks, go shopping for new clothes and sexy lingerie, hit the gym – lose a few pounds, change your hairstyle, remind your partner of why he fell in love with you in the first place.

*Tip 3: Splurge if you can

Gone are the days when men were expected to do all the spending, women are now also expected to show their affection by buying thoughtful presents for their significant others. Need I say more? Its Christmas, take advantage of the season, buy your man a present he will always cherish, it doesn’t have to be an expensive present that will eat a hole in your budget, it just has to be something that says “you mean the world to me”.

*Tip 4: Remember that toys aren’t just for kids

Sex toys can give a new and exciting twist to an act that I am sure you and your partner must have engaged in a thousand times. Get a new sex toy if you don’t already have one and show your partner how it works, excite him while you excite yourself and make him want to spend every waking moment with you this Christmas.
And last of all, remember that this holiday is a season of giving and sharing, don’t just share gifts, share an experience that will make this Christmas unforgettable.

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

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