Sex & R/Ships: SERIOUSLY…HE’S NOT JUST THAT INTO YOU by KAREN YOUNG

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Sunday, August 28th, 2011

 

 Ok, I will try to make this quick and brutal. Trust me its for your own good. You’ll thank me later.

The truth they say is bitter, but not only is it bitter, sometimes it hurts like a b***h and most people end up resenting the harbinger of such truth. I found myself in this delicate truth-telling position a few weeks ago, my girlfriends and I were having one of our rare slumber parties when inevitably the subject of men came up. We all listened as Cynthia lamented about a guy she just met five weeks before.

“I really don’t know what his ‘P’ is” she moaned, “most times he acts like he is into me and then he withdraws within the blink of an eye, I hardly hear from him except I call. I’m beginning to feel like I’m forcing myself on him”.

Uncomfortable silence engulfed the room. Being the most outspoken of all my friends, I bravely spoke up.

“ Babe, have you considered the possibility that he’s really not that into you”?

Everyone looked at me stunned, I could literarily hear them thinking “gosh Karen, did you really have to say that?”

The silence in the room was thick enough to slice with a knife.

“Listen” I continued bravely, “if a guy isn’t calling you when he says he will, hardly makes an effort to see you and has done nothing to make sure you understand he’s really dating you, then cut your losses luv and stop wasting your time”.

No one said a word.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence Bunmi spoke from my left.

“So Karen, seeing as you have now become a guru in the ways of men why don’t you school us. We have all night, tomorrow is a Saturday”

I turned to Cynthia to gauge her reaction; she nodded imperceptibly, a signal for me to continue.

I did.

Women commonly make the mistake of making excuses for a partner that blows hot and cold, one day he’s all sweet and loving and then the next he’s distant and constantly busy… busy finding excuses not to spend time with you.

Here are ways to tell if he is not that into you:

  1. 1.    He’s not trying to see you

Trust me this is not rocket science, if a guy is really into you he will find a way to see you. If all he does is constantly make excuses not to see you then there, you have your answer, he doesn’t want to.

  1. 2.    He only wants to see you for “you know what”

This is simple, if he only calls you past 10pm and whenever he comes over all he wants is sex then you need no soothsayer to tell you the obvious truth, you are his “booty call”. You can makes excuses for him as women are wont to do but if you are honest with yourself you will agree that a man who is really into you wants to get to know you properly and spend time with you every time he gets the chance to.

  1. 3.    You haven’t been introduced to any of his friends

No, do not delude yourself thinking that he wants to keep you all to himself because lets face it, if he’s crazy about you he will want to show you off to all his friends. If he’s not introducing you to his friends then it means he does not take you seriously and does not see a future with you.

  1. 4.    He hasn’t officially asked you to be his girlfriend

In my opinion, the old fashioned “I want us to have a relationship or be my girlfriend” is still the way to go. In recent times people consider this archaic and would rather get intimate with someone under the assumption that if they are spending this much time together and having sex then it must be a relationship right? Wrong.

  1. 5.    He constantly cheats on you

Come on, do I really need to explain this? If he is constantly committing indiscretions then simply dump his ass and move on. A man that loves you and is really into you will not cheat on you and knowingly cause you pain.

  1. 6.  He shys away from holding your hand in public or any form of PDA

This is the most common sign that a guy is not really into you. If he’s   crazy about you he won’t be able to keep his hands off you, whether he likes public display of affection or not won’t matter. The only situation where a guy is excused from not holding your hand in public is if he has no hands.

  1. 7.    He says “I don’t want to ruin the friendship”

If he is giving you the “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” racket then brush your shoulders off and get moving. This excuse works so well because it seems like it makes a lot of sense when a man tells you this but let’s think about it for a second, never in history has a man ever allowed friendship to hinder him from having sex with a woman. If a man is into you he can’t help himself, he will want more and if you are friends with him and he is attracted to you believe me he will do everything he can to take it further. And don’t give me the “he’s probably scared” line, because I assure you sweetie the only thing he is scared of is how not into you he is.

I need to rest my aching fingers; I have written enough, I am sure these clues I have given above will suffice. And if you are still doubtful as to whether he is into you then I will leave you with this, if for any reason when you are with him you are unsure of how he really feels about you then I suggest you look at the signs again. It is better to face the harsh reality and take steps towards moving on than to wallow in an unsatisfying relationship just because you are too afraid to be alone.

Artwork by Deji Adegbite

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